Full disclosure, I am pretty much drowning work wise right now.
If you know me in real life, you know where I work and what I do. While things going on right now has made everything 10 times more urgent, I’ve carried a moderate amount of stress my whole life, mostly self inflicted.
The fam (real one ha) instilled this level of excellence…there’s the “you have to be twice as good to get half as far” aspect that most Black folks get told, but then there’s just a level of excellence that is required of anyone that shares my last name. It’s a family trait to seriously work yourself to the bone and to work harder than anyone around you…literally until the day you die…
I wrote about being excited to get Prince : A Private View by Afhsin Shaidi because he covers some of my favorite eras of Prince (ONA especially). You can read about that experience here. At the time, I felt so seen because folks have always told me that my standards are too high in the way I live my life, that I’m too much of a perfectionist, that I’m too controlling of the things around me and I need to relax. I felt seen by this book because the way Prince worked hard in the way Afshin talked about really resonated. It’s never really about being “controlling” or “having high standards” its that I just want things that will be somehow attributed to me to be of high quality, and I’m willing to set those standards for myself and the people around me who are contributing to the thing so we ALL can deliver that quality. Also it’s not about being controlling of others, it’s about having a vision…and if you sign up to help, we all need to be tracking and heading toward that same vision.
Work wise I’m able to convince people to ride with me, mostly because I give the team what they need and protect them from distractions in the meantime (which means it’s legit like 100 things hitting me that I filter down to 10 things being gently handed to the team behind me.) I recognize that’s part of the problem of why I my stress levels are always so high…but it’s also why I’m in such high demand to help people.
For Prince it was a little different, he let those things through to hit the team, but he was also hyper aware that if he didn’t do what he needed to do, a lot of people wouldn’t be able to feed their families or care for themselves. There was always a machine around him helping him be Prince. To have the weight of people’s livelihoods on your back? A lot.
“I always hoped he could relax into himself, but there were times when he would work to live up to expectations. I was taking pictures of him at a table. In a quiet moment he explained, “”I don’t like doing this. It’s hard. My skin has to be perfect and I have to look a particular way.’ He looked around the room at his staff and all the crew and explained, ‘It’s hard to know that I’m responsible for these people’s livelihoods. They have kids and families.'”
– Steve Parke, Prince Stories from The Purple Undeground by Mobeen Azhar
And then…
What happens when you spend your whole life working hard….everything else comes second place to your work. What drives you to work that hard in the first place? What drives you to put up emotional barriers so nothing can distract you from that work? What drives you to use everything else that happens in your life….to inform your work? What happens when you realize that you’ve…worked…at the expense of….simply being?
His death was a wakeup call for me. That could easily be me. Compartmentalizing everyone and everything…and then dying alone because you kept people away and didn’t let them in on what was going on with you. Work is the priority…but it would take a minute for people to find me if something happened because I didn’t have friends or anyone checking for me and my family lives hours away and are used to not hearing from me for days…because I get busy…with work.
Reading this book…and pouring over the investigation files of what happened to Prince in his last days…what he said…what he did…people’s accounts…and then reading Prince’s biography…it’s a cautionary tale for sure.
His life was his to live as he chose. He had a purpose. He walked in his purpose….but part of walking in your purpose is knowing that you are here to not only do for others, but to do and grow for yourself. Your soul has a lesson plan here as well. Your soul is ultimately here to learn how to love without conditions…love others, but especially yourself. There is a way to do a lot….but also care for yourself. I’m not sure that Prince learned that while he was here.
I’m not sure that I’m doing that well with it either.
Reading through this book again now, I don’t have the answers in how to “just be”, but I think growth starts with recognizing that is necessary to do.
What do you say Soul Formerly Known as Prince….any insights now that you’ve made it back home?